Sitting In My Jacuzzi with Rock Stars
I've got questions, they've got answers
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The other day I was sitting in the jacuzzi when rock stars kept popping up from under the water. I asked them questions before they disappeared.
Jim Morrison
“Were you possessed by a Native American, like the movie showed?”
“Yes. . . . Willingly.”
“Did you die of an overdose, or were you murdered?”
“Both.”
. . .
John Lennon
“Would you have gotten back together with Paul, George, and Ringo”
“You don’t like my solo stuff?” said John, acting mock offended.
“I love your solo stuff. “#9 Dream” is one of my favorite all-time songs, and I love the whole difficult and painful first solo album.”
“Well, yes. Beatles would have tried to make a . . . comeback” said John, facetiously.
“You say ‘Beatles’ too like Yoko does? Instead of ‘The Beatles’?”
“Yes Darlin’”
“Would you guys have made music just as good as before?”
“Yeah, sure, why not? Like ridin’ a bike Sonny”
“Do you play music with George now?
“Yes. And it’s very good music too,” said John, whispering and batting his eyelids.
“Would you and Yoko have gotten divorced?”
“No. We’d have ‘UN- consciously coupled’” said John, making fun.
“Would the world be a much better place now?”
. . .
Mick Jagger
“In your heart of hearts, you think the Stones are better than the Beatles, right?”
“Of course.”
“Why don’t you get a vasectomy?”
“Cuz I’m a King Bee.”
Then Mick flew away.
. . .
Bob Dylan
“Are your songs prophecies?”
“Yes”
“So are there hints in your songs about what’s going to happen in the future?”
“Yes.”
“Do you know how the world ends?”
“Yes.”
“Is it pretty?”
“Who’s askin’?”
. . .
Kurt Cobain
“Did Courtney Love have you murdered?”
“No,” said Kurt, lighting up a ciggie.
“Would you have quit music, if were you still alive?”
“Yes”
“What would you do instead?”
“Marriage counseling.”
“Are you serious?”
“No!” he said laughing.
. . .
Prince
“Was it an accident that you died?”
“Yes.”
“Do you jam with Jimi Hendrix and other superstars?”
“We get down!” said Prince smiling coyly.
“Do you like me … do you think I’m cool?” I asked meekly.
“You’re alright. But you need to hit the gym!” said Prince, scrunching up his face in disgust.
“Don’t you think every Bruno Mars song is a weak copy of Morris Day?
“I’m outta here,” said Prince.
. . .
Ian Curtis
Do you like New Order’s music?
“Yes”
“Do you appear as a ghost in the doorway giving your blessing in the video for “Perfect Kiss?”
“Yes.”
Are you uncomfortable? You seem uncomfortable being in my jacuzzi.”
“Yes, I’m getting burned by the sun.”
“Do you want to leave?”
“Yes.”
“One last thing . . . is there anything that could have changed your mind? That day . . .”
“Yes. It was just an impulse. People read too much into these things. I’m sorry I hurt the people I loved.”
. . .
Lemmy
“Was the Devil scared when he saw you coming?”
“Nevah met ‘im. He moved out when Bon Scott moved in, and he left no forwarding address. Har, har, har!”
© Copyright 2020 Jack Clune
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